An inferiority complex of myself

Hye kawan2.

mcm nak mintak pelempang tak intro aku. haha

Sekarang update sume pon pasal aku and baby. behtu takkan nak citer psl kawen lagi.
Ur time is over Fiena.
Tapi bila tengok baju2 pengantin yg cantek2 terus pandang perut sndiri.
Happy and sad.

Happy sebab pengalaman kawen (yg sape taknak kan.haha) aku da tempuh. even ade problem yg miserable tapi takpe ah.
Put aside. because marrying the love of my life and carrying his baby is the most precious moment ever kalau nak dibandingkan dengan org2 yg x berhati perut menganiaya wedding org lain.

Sad sbb bila skang leh tengokkkk je baju nikah. nak sarung smpai peha pon tak celuih.
Lengan yg dah x fit dan menggeleber. baju2 honeymoon dl dah takde ruang dan kesempatan nak masuk untuk fit badan saya yg gemok i can say.

Im not complaining.org keliling aku akan marah aku kalau aku bising n rendah diri dengan keadaan badan yg dah mcm mengandung 7 bulan, tapi perut yg mmg nmpk baru nk masuk 5 bulan. (boleh paham ayat simbolik kan?)

Tapi org yg lain yg jugak di keliling aku keep on telling me, mentioned yg i look fatter, chubbier, ugly and all other hash word (at least for me).

Dah la aku ni mmg sensitip org nye, bila ckp bende2 tu xtau nk bangga - Hey yes i am fat because i am carrying our baby. dont u think i'm lucky enuf for this? ataupon nak sedeh - owh org lain pn ngandung tapi x gemok mcm aku.

Dulu ade kwn penah tanye, kat mane nye yg aku gemok, kenapa asek2 kecoh psl aku gemok. to be clear, mase tu mmg aku slim abes (im not saying yg aku slim yg hot. mind u) tapi aku slim yg smpai badan nampak melengkung. muka cengkung smpai gigi yg sedia mcm terkedepan sket terus nmpk jongang.

and maybe dorang mase tu pk yg aku saje2 ckp sbb nak tarik perhatian n mintak dorang ckp, eh kau xgemok. apesal sebok nak diet.
ataupon lebih seronok bila aku dpt dengar Hey body kau dah ok and cantek macam model. takyah nak diet.

A biggg NOOOO.

I'm not that kind of person. I have this one inferiority complex since i was small.

Dulu i am a big fat child. masa darjah 4 berat aku 40kg, darjah 5, 50kg, darjah 6 60 kg.
Can u imagine??.
kalau pegi beraya, makcik pakcik akan tanye aku umur berapa. and tekejut tiap kali ibu ayah aku bgtau.

Berapa ratus org keliling aku yg keep on mentioning and telling me on my face that i am not suit with my age.

Yes makcik i know. u are the 578 person told me this.

gajah?, gemok?, besar?, sharifah aini (sebab kebetulan tahi lalat aku pn byk kt muka)?, badak?, bontot besar?, peha besar?
apa sahaja yg menggambarkan kegemukan, suma mmg dah tertulis kat dahi aku agaknye. so dorang yg nampak maybe hanya tolong bacakan untuk aku *sarcasm*

I am the owner of a big body frame and aku pernah kurus sekurus 57kg.
Maybe utk org lain 57kg adalah gemok. hanis zalikha yg lagi tinggi dari aku pn berat 50 ++ je kot.
xsampai pn 57kg.
tapi sbb rangka aku besar, so the lightest i can go is 57kg. itupon dah org panggil tiang electric, papan plywood.

See gemok salah, kurus pon salah.

aku kurus masa tu sbb aku bersukan, lumbe lari, rentas desa (menang pulak tu. haha), pegi balik sekolah jalan kaki and pressure for SPM.
jgn tanye kenapa aku gemok pn kuat lari. sbb aku pn pelik. konon2 saje masuk pertandingan, aleh2 menang. hahah

masuk U, jumpe boyfren happy lain macam. almaklum org baru kurus n ade org minat. so die nye batak lain macam.

Aku pon makan tak hengat dunia. terus naik smpai 70kg. T_T.

alaa panjang lak citer nye. padahal nak citer bende lain tadi.

pendekkan

My lovely boyfren (masa tu) ajak kawen 2011. mase tu 2010. so berbaki setahun. aku struggle.
Aku diet sungguh2.

No ice, No rice, No carbonat drink, only protein and lots of vegetables selama setahun.

On my wedding day, my weight was 58kg.

Thats why i have a flat tummy, flat bontot and breast. (hahah)

So people out there, please think first before you speak. Some words that u might think as a joke, turn to be not- a-joke-at-all for some people.
You might hurt them (read: me).
Because u exactly dont know their history.

Owh one 'intresting' story to share about this person who they think it is just a joke.

My friend was suffering SLE for years. She have to eat about 10-20 pills each day and one of them is steroid.

This steroid boleh buatkan si pemakan jadi bengkak2 muka. macam sembab.

1st day at Uni, some boys called her - beruang.
sebab pipi dia tembam sgt.

kurang ajar tak??